So, college has been a wonderful place for me to express myself, grow emotionally and psychologically, etc, but sometimes something happens that makes you think that you are exactly the same person you were before the whole thing began.

Not to be too Ashlee Simpson about it, but growing up behind an incredibly successful and intelligent sibling is difficult. There are stereotypes and assumptions made, there are inevitable questions about their lives and well-being, and for the most part, I never mind this. In high school, I was incredibly acute to those feelings of never amounting to much, of always living in the proverbial shadow of my brother.

My brother, by the way, is a super-fantastic person that I could hang out with for the rest of my life and be fine. He is one of the funniest and most generous people of all time. He was also a Rhodes Scholar (no...really), had a full academic scholarship throughout his undergrad, and is now a full-time med student at one of the top schools in the country.

And I have no qualms with him. But I have always felt second-rate when compared with him. Through my undergrad career, I have been able to shed a lot of the insecurities that came with living as his sister, the incredible near guilt of never being able to match his golden halo.

So I applied for an award that my brother received three years ago, an outstanding award for seniors that highlights academic performance and involvement. I saw winning the award (which is given to 6-8 people) as the ultimate validation of all of the work I have done throughout college, from the RA job to the honors programs to the hours spent volunteering for events.

And of course, I didn't get it...how could I with such motives?

So basically I feel like a ginormous loser today. I felt like for a split second, I could have been equal to the greatness of my brother, but I have realized that I will never even come close.

And that sucks.