Happy Friday the 13th! Or something... It's really pleasant to find out that the second year of independence is so much easier than the first. Teaching is easier. Paying bills is easier. Taking care of myself is easier. I like it. The school year is flying by much more so than the first year. My principal is even more understanding and supportive. I'm still wondering if I am meant to be in the classroom or not. It is, by far, one of the most rewarding and impacting careers that a person can have, but I feel as if my intellectual and creative sides are not being fully used. I'm not sure if I want to try to go for the Ph.D., if I want to try a totally new kind of field, or if I just want to stay in education perhaps as a principal. It's confusing trying to figure it all out. I also worry about the daily mundane things all the time, but even that is getting easier. Multi-tasking is getting to an epic proportion. I read while I blow-dry my hair. While getting dressed. And listening to music blare on my stereo. I rearranged my entire bedroom last night. Not really because I NEEDED to, but rather, I NEEDED something to do that made me feel like I was changing something. As I am getting older, I'm getting convinced that I'm the most impatient person in the world. Not with kids, but when I'm in meetings, with people that are not my friends, in classes. I think it is one of the most annoying things about myself. I love getting attention and I always need stimulation. Since I've moved out here, it has gotten worse. I'm always busy, but only because I feel as if I'm failing if I'm not doing something moderately productive. Maybe that is how I'm different from most people, but somehow, I'm never fully content. And that is annoying. At the same time, I've changed quite a bit since moving out here. I go to bed at 10 pm. I drink coffee. I like spending time being quiet and just thinking of all the ways that I've been blessed. I write more letters. I've learned how to cook more dishes. I've read more. I've learned all the words to the songs of Rent. I've determined what it is important in life--family, friends, and taking care of both. I'm much more comfortable with who I am and where I am going on my life experience. Henry David Thoreau went to Walden Pond to find himself. I went to Thoreau and am doing the same thing. |